


With Only One Heart To Love You

by Arken_Stone1



Series: Journey's Beginning [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Developing Friendships, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Pining John, Relationship Issues, Rose is grieving, Telepathic Bond, Trust Issues, Vulnerable Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 15:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13437603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arken_Stone1/pseuds/Arken_Stone1
Summary: Stranded in a dimension isolated from the rest of the multiverse, John Smith finds himself smitten by the fiery spirit and courage of Rose Tyler. He longs to show her he was born to love her, but can he win her broken heart with his love?





	1. The Enigma of a Time Lord's Mind

I write this fan fiction as a love for Doctor Who and not for profit. I own none of the characters. 

*************************************

Rose remembered how she and John stood on the beach staring at one another, feeling connected, yet, estranged from the man across from her. He had the Doctor’s same lean, sculpted build, the unkempt spiky hair and those warm chocolate eyes that warmed her to her toes. It had been an overcast day on the beach in Norway where the Doctor broke her heart twice.

“What the bloody hell do we do now?” Rose whispered beneath her breath, the breaking of the waves on the shore covering her whisper. 

“We have an entire future to figure that out,” he said softly against her temple. “I want that future to be with you, Rose Tyler.”

She looked at the indention on the beach where the Tardis had been, now, gone forever and lost to her. She would never see her Doctor again, but the sound of crashing waves would always remind her of the other saddest moment of her life. She blinked several times, sniffling as she wiped away the tears. Rose studied the man clad in the blue suit with the brown tee shirt and Converse trainers, standing there looking unsure with hands shoved deep into his pockets, studying the pebbles on the beach.

“I’m not sure what to do right now,” she admitted, sighing as she looked where at that indention mark slowly being washed away by the tide. “I need time to think. I don’t know you and I don’t know how to bloody deal with this.”

“Yes, you do know me,” the Doctor said with quiet intensity. “I am the same man who loved you since the day I met you in the department store basemen. I gave my life for you when you were possessed by the time vortex. I could never you give you what you deserved and it ripped me apart until,” he motioned up and down himself, “this happened. He was too afraid to tell you because he knew it was impossible, but, it isn’t for me. If nothing else, I was made to love you, Rose, and I will until the universe ends.”

“We can’t just start snogging and believe everything will be all right,” she threw her hands in the air, looking skyward. "It doesn’t work like that. I – I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know how this works, either,” he admitted, taking her hands in his. “Please, don’t lock me out.”

“I’m not locking you out, but-” she placed a hand on his chest. “I’ve been without you for so long and I don’t know what to think about you. Please, give me time to make sense of all this, of you-”

“I’ll wait for you,” he promised, his eyes burnt with unshed emotion, taking her hands in his and brushing her knuckles. “But remember, Rose, I don’t have forever anymore. I’m half-human and I don’t regenerate.”

**************

Pete and Jackie invited the Doctor to stay with them at their mansion while he established his place and identity in the world. With a few thousand quid and a few called-in favors, Pete helped the Doctor get the needed credentials to be a British citizen. Because he had a love for Scotland, the Doctor chose that land as his place of birth and, not surprising to Rose, took the name John L. Smith. He wanted to show her that he wanted to be an enduring part of her future.

She left the job she held at the shop and started attending Uni with intentions of completing her Single Honours Program in Literature. Rose found that she had a gift with putting fingers to keyboard and telling fantastic tales of aliens and travel to distant worlds. The Doctor -now, John -had taken a position at a nearby High School and enjoyed the work. She didn’t know how to proceed in this odd development, this unprecedented relationship with the person who called himself John. 

Pete and Jackie were kind enough to let John live with them and Rose, but she kept her contact with John to a minimum. It broke her heart too much to be around the man who looked so much like her Doctor, the one that left her and her family in some backwater parallel dimension with some half-human replacement without even so much as an “I love you” or “I’m sorry.”

Rose woke often in the middle of the night with tears streaming down her face, reliving that fateful moment in her dreams when the Doctor had simply turned and left her behind as if she meant nothing to him and never existed. Her heart had shattered a thousand pieces at being abandoned.

“He's too dangerous to be left on his own,” Rose remembered those words as they were embossed into her mind.

“You made me!” The other doctor’s outrage flared with that statement.

“Exactly. You were born in battle, full of blood and anger and revenge,” the Doctor looked at Rose, staring at her with eyes filled with an unnamed emotion, nodding in the new Doctor’s direction. “Remind you of someone? That's me, when we first met and you made me better. Now you can do the same for him.”

“But, he's not you!” Rose remembered ever vanishing second of their last time together as if it had been only been days instead of weeks.

His voice was gentle, “He needs you. That's very me.”

“Rose,” Donna looked past her to the new Doctor standing beside her. “It’s better than that, though. Don't you see what he's trying to give you?”

Rose looked at the Doctor and Donna in silent confusion. Rose’s thoughts rushed through her mind, ‘I don’t want that one, I want my Doctor!’

“Oi,” Donna nodded to the new Doctor. “Tell her. Go on.” 

Rose turned her eyes to the new Doctor, her brow furrowed as she studied him. 

New Doctor nodded towards the other. “I look like him and I think like him. Same memories, same thoughts, same everything except I've only got one heart.”

“Which means?” Rose asked, a single spark lit in her soul.

“I'm part human. Specifically, the aging part. I'll grow old and never regenerate. I've only got one life, Rose Tyler. I could spend it with you, if you want,” his face was a neutral mask, showing no emotion, but his voice carried a thousand years of hope and uncertainty.

Rose felt the first sparks of hope catch fire in her heart. ”You'll grow old at the same time as me?”

“Together,” he replied. 

Rose shook her head in disbelief, not quite trusting the new Doctor’s words. Gingerly, stepping forward, she placed one hand on his chest and felt the strong, steady beat of his single heart. His brown eyes never lost her gaze, but the mask of careful stoicism remained in place. Rose remembered hearing the metallic whining and grind of the Tardis motor as it revved, readying for take-off.

“We've got to go. This reality is sealing itself off for ever,” the Doctor and Donna turned to return to the Tardis, but Rose ran after them.

“But, it's still not right, because the Doctor's still you,” she said.

“And I'm him,” he nodded in the other Doctor’s direction. 

“All right. Both of you, answer me this,” Rose challenged them. The new Doctor stepped closer, staring at his counterpart in silence. “When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it,”

The Doctor swallowed hard. “I said, ‘Rose Tyler.’”

“Yeah,” Rose pressed. “and how was that sentence going to end?”

Brown eyes softened with hurt and tender adoration, “Does it need saying?”

Rose saw the Doctor glace at the other one, giving a nearly imperceptible nod.

Rose turned her attention to him, “And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?”

The new Doctor stepped forward, gently touched her arm and leaned forward until his breath tickled her ear. “I love you.” 

Sparks became a flash fire when Rose grabbed him by the lapels of his blue suit, bringing her lips to his for the first time. Not since the Time Vortex had she felt so much energy coursing through her. Dimly, in the background, she heart the Tardis removing herself and her passengers from the closing rift between realities. Pain clenched Rose’s heart as she realized that she’d never again see the Doctor nor had even said good-bye. He simply left again. 

********************************************

“What a git I’ve been,” she said, wiping away the flood streaming down her cheeks. While she wallowed in her own anguish, she had missed John’s confusion, anger and heartbreak. She felt an unfamiliar sorrow lingering at the corner of her mind, deep and quiet, but filled with passion and unquelled frustration wrapped in depression. She felt John’s grief and desolation hovering on the edges of her thoughts. She thought she even heard the breaking of his heart as it beat a stuttering rhythm.

She put on her dressing gown, hastily tying it as she ran down the long corridor of the mansion’s west wing. While she’d never visited his chambers, she knew their location. With each step, Rose’s speed increased and her heart pounded faster as she neared his rooms. By the time she stood outside his room, her chest ached from the hard run from one end of the mansion to the other, the pain felt like it shattered her ribs inside her chest. 

Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. Vulnerability and nervousness assaulted her senses, making her hands tremble as she raised one to rap on John’s door. She never had the chance.

The door opened and there stood John Liam Smith, without his shirt. Only in his pyjama bottoms, the look of utter astonishment on his face was highlighted by the redness of his eyes and their suspicious shine. “What are you doing here, Rose Tyler?”

“I just realized what a git I’ve been all wrapped up in my own pity,” she stood in front of him, gasping for breath. “I’m sorry.”

“I told you that I’d wait for you,” John used the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tear slowly streaming down her cheek. “I’ve been just a bit scared, yeah. Just a little tiny bit. ‘Cause you see, I’ve only got one heart and you’re breaking it little by little every day.”

Rose tucked a stray tendril behind her ear. “I don’t want to hurt you and I want to stop hurting you.”

“How?” John’s voice grew hard. “You can’t have me when it’s convenient and then cast me out. I’m no one’s substitute.”

“I know you’re not,” her voice rose a decibel. “We could . . . go out, talk. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to after the way I’ve treated you. You must think me completely daft -”

“No, Rose,” his voice dropped an octave, his palm brushing her cheek. “Never daft, only lovely.”

“We could,” she searched frantically for an idea. “go for breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” John’s brows rose at the word. “My stomach is all ears.”

“We can go out to a little café I know of, my treat,” Rose’s words rushed with inspiration. “We can talk, get to know each other better.”

“I like that idea,” a slow smile crept along John’s lips. 

“I’ll be here at your door,” Rose promised. “Promptly at eight in the morning.”

“At eight, it is,” his wariness melted in the brightest smile she had seen on the Doctor’s face, John’s face, since his arrival.

 

********

John’s hearing was still superior to that of the humans around him and he heard the rapid cadence of her heart on the other side of the door. He stared at the clock and saw it read 8:05. Count on Rose to always be late. He opened the door to see her dressed in a lovely pink and yellow shirt that clung to her in all the right places. He noticed the underlying scent of vanilla and lemon subtly behind her ears and on her wrists. Leaning down, John planted a brief peck on her cheek, “Good morning.”

 

“Good morning yourself, John,” she flashed him the smile that had stayed on the edges of his memory for all of the previous night.

She noticed that he wore jeans rather than his usual suit, but with a brown tee shirt and white trainers. He caught her appreciative smile and the subtle undertones of feminine appreciation that hovered in the air between them.

John recalled how Rose and he impulsively hugged in years past after adventures or for no reason at all, taking him with unconditional acceptance simply because he was the Doctor. His heart had thumped a bit louder when he offered his hand to her. She looked down at it, back at him and slowly smiled before lacing her fingers with him.

“I’m feeling rather peckish,” he admitted. He hadn’t felt this nervous since he and Rose had first kissed on the beach in Norway what seemed such a long time ago. He had lived on that memory for weeks, alone at night in the dark with only his loneliness as his companion. How he longed to feel her lips on his again and the would welcome his love. The last thing that John wanted was to revisit her confusion and her rejection. John dealt with his isolation as best he could, but being cut off from his Rose had caused him many nights of broken heart and more tears than he dared admit. 

“I’d love to,” Rose replied, the scowl melting away and replaced with that happy smile that had first drawn his attention. Within the half hour, they sat outside of a small, nearby café, never having felt this much hope about Rose when aboard the Tardis.

“How do you like your breakfast?” John asked, peering over the menu to study her.  
   
“With good company,” she said. “With you.”  
   
John’s heart flipped as hope and anticipation coursed through him. He winked, “I look forward to it, then.”  
   
“Where do we start?” Rose asked in a small voice. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Weeelllll,” he said in a familiar way that made Rose’s body relax and a bright smile appear. “We start at the beginning. I ask twenty questions, you ask twenty and we each answer.”

“Perfect.”

“Rose Tyler, where would you like to travel on Earth that you’ve never been?” John asked, feeling happiness tug at him s due to a brave blonde with a sharp mind and a beautiful smile. It was going to be a good day and maybe the start of something wonderful. He knew travel was a safe starter subject for them.

TO BE CONTINUED……..?


	2. The Enigma of A Time Lord's Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Tyler needed time to work through her anger with the Doctor and to sort out things with John Smith. She had questions and John had answers, but what would it cost her to find out the truth? What would it do to them both?

I write this fan fiction for my love of Doctor Who and none of these characters are mine. Please don't sue.

*****************************************

John stared down at his plate, wondering where he would find room to put all of the food. Earl Grey Tea, fried eggs with juicy bangers, baked beans, toast and grilled tomatoes made his stomach rumble. It was a quality fry-up and he saw why Rose liked the little cafe. It had cozy surroundings with high plaster walls adorned with black and white photographs hanging from table trim to ceiling. Red and white gingham tablecloths dressed the wooden tables and fresh flowers sat in glass vases. 

   
“So, how are things going?” Rose asked, picking at her eggs. 

   
“Weeelll, the lads and lasses were a bit unruly until I pulled out my handy-dandy trusty sonic screwdriver,” he pulled the familiar device out of his jeans pocket. “It makes doors shut and inconveniently interferes with mobile phone reception.”  
   
“Clever,” Rose smiled. “So, how did you happen to have one of those on you?”

   
“Well, Ol’ Brownpants kept a spare sonic or two in every suit and I decided to keep the one I found in the suit pocket,” Brown eyes crinkled at their corners with mirth. “Plus, I may have made a few upgrades of my own. Same software, but a few extra innovations after our recent visits with UNIT and Torchwood.”

   
“Next thing, you’ll be growing your own Tardis,” Rose laughed, not feeling angry for the first time in many weeks. This wasn’t a magic solution and wasn’t sure what to call it. She felt abandoned by the Doctor who never had the bullocks to tell her how he felt, leaving her alone to pick up the shattered pieces of her soul. It wasn’t fair to blame John for the Doctor’s mistakes. 

   
Still, as hard as she tried to believe it, she couldn’t forget the fact the man across from her wore her heartbreak’s face. The corner of his mouth gave a ghost of a twitch as he looked skyward, feigning innocence. “On the way out the Tardis doors, I might have used my sonic to nick a piece or two of the Tardis. With in a few years, I’ll have one of my very own.”

   
“Oh, I bet she didn’t like that,” Rose’s jaw fell slightly slack.

   
“It’s no more than plucking a few hairs off of your head,” he assured her. 

   
She nodded, still confused by the churning thoughts and emotions inside of her mind. When the Doctor had returned her to Pete’s World, she refused to believe that he’d bring her back there. She had promised him forever and they had a second chance. Blimey! She felt every emotion in his hugs and touches, the expression he wore as they ran toward one another when they reunited in the middle of a deserted street.

   
Then, Rose felt the anger and wished she were Bad Wolf to use the power of the Time Vortex to return him to her and demand why he did this to her. Of course, she knew. Her Doctor would have given the same lament, “curse of the Time Lords” and all that rubbish. Yet, if the Chameleon circuit had the ability to make a Time Lord human, at least in theory, then why could she and the Doctor have tried to use it to make her a Time Lady or lengthen her lifespan? What about a blood transfusion? Couldn’t some of that Time Lord blood done something to her at a cellular level?

   
Rose had been emotionally tossed around from one extreme to the other, trying to deal with helping rebuild war-torn London after the Dalek attack while attempting to take a class or two at Uni. She didn’t want to admit that she’d been looking inward all this time and wanted to look outward and forward. She’d been to one end of the universe and back, from the present to the end of and time, so she’d stiffen her lip and get on with it.

   
She saw John close his eyes and rub his temples, “Hey, are you okay?”

   
“Just a bit of a headache. Being here, the physics are a wee bit wonky and playing with my telepathic shields. Lots of noise,” he let out a slow sigh, as if breathing to control some pain.

   
“Do you need an aspirin?”

   
“No, that would kill me right and proper, Rose,” he shook his head. “I'll be fine.”

   
“So,” she took a bite of her breakfast. “I’m surprised Torchwood hasn’t tried to hire you.”

   
“They have,” he admitted, sipping his tea. “Without a Tardis, I only as good as a consultant to them. It puts an extra quid in my pocket.”

   
“I have so many questions, but it’s not fair to you-” she began.

   
John leaned forward, dark eyes locked upon hers. “Ask, Rose Tyler, ask anything of me.”

   
“Um,” she sniffled, blinking rapidly and looking away for a few seconds before she found the courage to return John’s gaze. “How did he, you, get through it?”

   
“It almost killed me,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper that Rose had to lean forward to hear him. “I -he- was a walking wreck with without you and -”

   
John’s voice broke, followed by a ragged gasp.

   
“I had to know,” she nodded slowly. “So, it hurt?”

   
“Like burning inside a star,” his dark humor wasn’t lost on Rose who gave a wane smile. 

   
The silence hung between them for a moment what a she felt a wave of regret rush through her mind, but realized it wasn’t her own. Her brow furrowed as she studied John Smith, sitting there and looking lost.

   
“Do you remember the apple grass on New New Earth?” she asked, reaching for the first happy memory that came to her. “It smelled so good and we were just there, lying in the sun.”  
 

“Yeah,” he smiled. “I do.”

   
“And you told me that it was actually New, New, New, New, New, New-”

   
“New, New, New York, “ John finished with a chuckle. 

   
Rose noticed the sorrow flowed away from her thoughts as quickly as it had washed over her. “And you were the New, new Doctor. I suppose, now, you’re the new, new, new Doctor.”

   
“I suppose I am,” he face brightened. 

   
She held up her glass of orange juice. “Donna is also part of who you are.”

   
“Oi!” he grinned, eyes twinkling. “That she is.”

   
“Tell me about that part of you,” Rose wanted to get to know this man and Donna Noble had created the other half of him. “Tell me about her.”

   
“Brash, cheeky, brave, faithful, observant, compassionate, brilliant...” he shrugged. “Stubborn and quick-tempered.”

   
They finished their breakfast recalling happier memories of travels past and future plans. Their stroll turned into a long, winding exploration of one of London’s parks which lead to a trip to an ice /0cream parlor where they shared a decadent knickerbocker glory. John offered his hand to Rose, fingers wiggling in invitation, which she took and he pulled her through the mid-morning throngs of people toward the cinema.

   
By 2:30 p.m., Rose was quite full and felt delightfully knackered after her day outing with John. Being a gentleman, he walked her back to her Mini and they stood by her car door, saying nothing. 

   
“What did today tell you, Rose?” John asked, looking at her with that same neutral mask in place that he’d worn for her that day at the beach. 

   
Rose recognized it now, it wasn’t lack of emotion; that mask hid every last bit of fear and insecurity unseen behind it. She took his hand and frissons of hope, dread, anxiety and love sparked from his mind as their hands touched.

   
She knew he was a telepath and then it fit together in that one moment. Her eyes widened when the epiphany hit her. Rose recognized from the same sensation she first experienced with John when she kissed him at Dårlig Ulv Stranden, then the previous night when she had been in her room, feeling his regret in deepest parts of her mind. John’s heart filled with passion, defeat cloaked in desperation. John had also been grieving, trying to make his way in this strange new world without anyone but Rose, and, God forbid, her mother, as friends.

   
Rose snorted at the absurd thought and thought she heard the words, “daft cow” dance in her thoughts. John cocked his head handsomely to the side, studying her with a slight smile. “What?”

   
“What were you thinking just now?” Rose asked, taking his hand in hers. 

   
“I was thinking, ‘Rose Tyler,” he said.

   
“Finish that sentence, John,” she pressed. “Go on, say it.”

   
“I was,” he swallowed hard. “Does it need saying?”

   
“Yes, we're not going through that again.” she said firmly. “Now, spill it.”

   
“I, uh,” John ran his free hand through the spiky flop of unkempt hair. “Your mother crossed my mind at the oddest time.”

   
“Hmm,” Rose nodded. She realized the Metacrisis Doctor didn’t have such a p control on his telepathy. He’d had a headache earlier that morning and had said as much that the physics of this universe were playing wonky tricks on his half-Time Lord physiology. She also liked the fact that she knew what this Doctor was thinking. It made things more fair. While she couldn’t catch every thought verbatim, she understood the gist of each one.

   
Rose smiled. She wasn’t any more ready than she was last night with a decision about what to do about Doctor John L. Smith. Her heart pounded when she saw the images of what he envisioned his mind, kissing her gently and seeking her permission to deepen that kiss. John wanted to pull her closer until Rose was flush against him from shoulder to thigh in his arms. He wanted to feel her soft lips and taste her sweetness.

   
Rose’s eyes widened as she watched his eyes flutter shut, but he never made a move. He remained where he was with his hand holding hers and his other hand in shoved deeply in his pocket. He was a true gentleman and that made Rose Tyler smile. 

   
Did he know that he was projecting his thoughts as if he were on BBC1? She decided not to tell him just yet and she wondered if he could read hers. If John could, he didn’t say.

   
“Rose Tyler,” his voice was husky and quiet to her ears. “I am glad we had today.”

   
“I agree,” she put her other hand over his. “I'm not going to make any promises-”

   
“Rose, I don't want any. Can't we become friends again?” his look of tender affection matched his thoughts. He pulled his hand away and Rose felt empty and alone when their connection ended.

 

“I think we're starting but, John, I’m just not ready for anything more. I need time and I have to think things through,” she admitted.

   
“That’s fair,” John nodded, his face carefully blank and his voice calmer than it should be for any Doctor.

   
With that, Rose got into her Mini and drove home. She didn’t know what lie ahead, only that she knew making any rash decisions about John’s status in her life wasn’t wise.  
   
TO BE CONTINUED....?

**Author's Note:**

> How many people besides myself have love a good old-fashioned romance? I admit, I love reading them and I always wondered what happened to the Metacrisis Doctor and Rose Tyler on Pete's World. Well, I wanted to find out and so this is my take. I may continue it and I might not. I have no plan, no outline and if you've read my previous works, you know I write whatever comes to mind and see if it sticks like well-cooked pasta. Enjoy and Hasta la pasta! NOTE: I MAY CHANGE THE RATING OF THIS WORK IF IT TAKES ON MORE ADULT UNDERTONES. FOR NOW, YOUR GRANDMA COULD READ THIS AND IT'D BE JUST FINE. Allons-y!


End file.
